If Oxford did the Olympics…
By Thomas Ough
Bunting is up, gauntlets are down, and London 2012 is just around the corner. Olympic fever threatens to infect even ivory-towered, dreaming-spired Oxford, with the Torch to make an appearance next month. The capital will see a smorgasbord of sporting events, from archery to badminton, from weight-lifting to wrestling, but, if the joys of watching the world’s premier trampolinists feel too far off from the Trinity term mire, there is yet hope. Oxford may be a few bikinis short of a beach volleyball tournament, but the University offers nevertheless its own range of Olympian sports. OxStu does not, of course, condone any such buffoonery, but reserves the right to watch gleefully.
Bogeys in the Rad Cam
The generation that grew up watching Kelly Homes take Athens 2004 by storm also has etched into its collective consciousness the antics of comedy duo Richard McCourt and Dominic Wood. Thanks to Dick ‘n’ Dom, the ancient sport of Bogeys, that is, saying the word progressively more loudly until one of the competitors cracks, was at last codified, with a volume-based scoring system and a convention of playing in oppressively quiet locations. What better arena for bellowing ‘Bogeys!’ than the Radcliffe Camera? Librarians will be quick to interrupt more daring players, but the domed, amplifying ceiling may as well be designed for Bogeys contests.
The Worcester Triathlon
Many will be aware of the Worcester Challenge, which comprises a trio of challenges based in the grounds of the College. While these remain secret to non-Worcesterites, even the most unsporting could not help but want to immerse themselves in the laked grounds, take in the refined quad air through every pore, and put the sturdy library tables to good use. A quick finish is not recommended, though, if you want to earn that precious Lads on Library Tour stash.
Whisky Whiff-Whaff
Balliolite Boris Johnson asserts to this day that ping-pong is in fact a bastardization of the traditional English game of whiff-whaff, essentially the same thing, except that the ball must be bounced on your own side of the table on its way to your opponent’s. Americans swear by beer pong, but surely this would be improved by a) adapting it to jolly old whiff-whaff, and b) replacing beer with whisky. Fun for all the family.
Wallingford Water Polo
What’s so funny about a round of water polo? Well, this is a sport that is most entertaining when the river is shared with an unwitting rowing crew. Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge livid boaties as they attempt to reclaim the river for the balls-achingly mundane purposes of rowing quickly. Such congestion on the waters will make it less M1, and more M1…
Exam Chicken
Olympic legend is filled with tales of superhuman endurance, of men and women who pushed as hard as they could and then went further. Why not supplement this litany of courage in the face of adversity with an epic Exam Chicken tussle? The winner of this event is the last to start writing in the exam hall. Time seems to slow down as you avert your eyes from your unopened paper, but the only event on your horizon will be victory.
PHOTO// ell brown
