RAG Blind Date returns this week: having raised £3000 last year and had a significant beneficial impact on the charities RAG chose to support, its safe to say the event combines serving a hugely worthwhile cause with raucous Hilary hilarity. With RAG Blind Date fast approaching, we decided to bestow upon the single readers of Oxstu some friendly advice for success in blind dating ventures.
- Bring your birth certificate. One common concern of blind dates is that the person they are meeting has not actually been born. Avoid the awkward conversation and get everything out in the open straight away!
- Bring your CV (GCSE grades detailed clearly), and if possible a couple of references.
- Wear your most extravagant hat: large hats command respect.
- Bring your pet rat. Always a great conversation starter – particularly if your date is uncomfortable about rodents.
- Pretend you are feeling under the weather. Your partner is more likely to put your shortcomings down to illness than your sub-mediocre personality.
- Pretend you are hungover. They will be coerced into believing that you are a social person, who has many friends and attends many wild alcohol-fuelled events.
- Bring your mum. She’s almost definitely better at making conversation than you.
- Order raw meat. Assert your passion for life, death, and the suppression of inferior species.
- Ask them how they feel about The Lord of the Rings prior to introducing yourself. Its better to know as early as possible whether its worth pursuing the relationship any further.
- Shave your eyebrows while at the date. In order to make a strong impression, you must portray yourself as a quirky and independent character – even for the likes of Oxford.
Bring your pet rat. Always a great conversation starter – particularly if your date is uncomfortable about rodents.
- Pretend to be visually impaired.
- Get dressed before leaving the house – you don’t want to appear to be trying too hard.
- Assume that the best looking person in the bar is your blind date. Wishful thinking leads only to disappointment.
- Tell them you are Jeremy Irons’ nephew – unless of course, you are.
- Leave in order to attend an all-you-can-eat buffet with your pals. Speaking from personal experience, dates do not appreciate this.
- Execute them for being a heretic. It does not count as a real date if one or more of the couple dies during the event.
- Attempt to inform them of your sexual virility by sitting with your legs as wide apart as possible. This quickly can become uncomfortable for both parties.
- Order the same beverage as them. You must work hard to conceal your essential herd-animal nature.
- Reveal your name. What is romance without an element of mystery?
- Show them your Louis Theroux tattoo. It’s too early in the relationship for that.
- Ask whether they prefer dogs or cats: it’s a well-bandied-about piece of advice that couples should not attempt to discuss international or domestic politics due to its divisive nature.
- Admit that you’re only in it to support the chosen charities. That would be completely missing the point.
RAG Blind Date is happening on Valentine’s Day (14th February for all the singletons out there).